Sometimes I forget

2011

New year day. A day for reflection and resolutions.

Just two evenings ago, FOTR had a dinner gathering at JT's new house - it's so new that they had not moved in yet. It was good to have so many show up and to meet the spouses and significant other. After the food and wine, and not forgetting the house tour, we sat down to reminisce about the year past. Reminisce in recalling the funny and not so funny moments - accidents and event - that brought us closer.

Looking back, I had to admit that it was quite a year for the group as well as for me. No one sums it up better than SC, but I'll have to get his permission to reproduce it here.

For me, well, the truth of the matter is that I kinda forgot myself in the course of the year. The sub-5 marathon at WD in Jan, the completion of my first 70.3 in March, completing the 84km ultramarathon in May  had - on hindsight - raised my expectations of what I could accomplish. To achieve, one must first conceive - words of John Bingham paraphrased.

Reality checks during the Bike n Blade (Sept), Tour de Bintan (Oct) and more recently the Asia Pacific 70.3 (Dec) brought me back to earth. I was conceiving of things beyond my capabilities.

The recent bouts of flu (thankfully after Phuket) reminded me of my limitations, of what I used to be before this journey.

Was I a sportsman? No. Was I active in any sports during school days? No. Do I have better than average physical talent? No. Was I a natural athlete? No.

And what am I trying to prove, at my age and in my current station in life? Is it not enough to run for the fun of running, cycle just to enjoy the scenery, swim to release stress and relax? What is it that draws me to endurance racing?

Ironman. Ultramarathoner. What is a title? I can't put them on my name card or resume. Finisher tees and certificates? Wear them occasionally and misplace the certs. Bragging rights? Others have better and are more deserving.

The answer really is in two words. Self actualization.

The emphasis should be on Self. Not the selfish kind, but the humble recognition of my God-given gifts and lack thereof. To push beyond my limitations - and be grateful for the opportunity to do so. To accomplish things that others and I did not imagine possible five years ago. To be able to say, "I did it!"

The next question is to what end? How can I balance training and family commitments? How can I contribute other than the bottom lines of bike and shoe companies? These are soul searching questions.

So as I look forward to 2011, my aim is to be able to say, "I did it - by the grace of God, and for His glory."