We share

When we run, we are already so exposed, often nearly naked in our shorts and T-shirts, huffing and puffing, purified by the effort. Briefly removed from the defenses and secrets we maintain in so much of our lives, we feel less need to hide our private thoughts, loves, fears, and stresses. We share.

Amby Burfoot, The Runner's Guide to the Meaning of Life

The long runs often bring to bear some of my deepest concerns and issues relating to family, friends and work. TNF100 race last Sat brought up many issues, not least because it was so darn long. But that was really my fault, which was the whole point.

As I rationalized, I used to have cramps in my hamstrings, quads and calves during previous endurance races (marathons and triathlons), but I spent time conditioning them through training. To that extent, I was glad that the cramps didn't occur in those muscles. It was the inner right thigh (abductors) that let me down last Sat, the muscles that I completely ignored for as long as I could remember. And for it to occur on my right leg, which is my weaker leg, is no surprise. Lesson learnt: to work on strengthening the abductors.

But what really upset me was to let my team-mate down. Unlike other races where we run as individuals, TNF100 was a team event. Our team time mattered. My good friend wouldn't abandon me mid-race, and I understood and appreciated that. Even so, I felt responsible for spoiling his race that he trained so hard for. Even more so, to disappoint his daughter when she learnt that her papi didn't get a finisher medal.

To add insult to injury, I was the companion to my friends who experienced trouble in previous long trail runs. I would have done the same for them again, anytime, but for it to happen to me during race day was .... well, a total let down.

In all honesty, I thought about quitting the race, but only momentarily. The most tempting moment was when realizing that I wouldn't be able to make the 9 hours cut-off time. But I knew that it meant a lot to finish what we started, even if it meant crawling back.

As I tell my kids, we must have the courage to finish what we start.

To my friend PK, thanks for sticking with me and pulling me through.

The essential thing in life is not so much conquering as fighting well.

Baron De Coubertin, Founder of the Modern Olympic Games